JCC Floor Hockey


Juranka's Corner

Nov 29, 2004

this was the best attended night
i have ever seen in this league
half the teams had all 7 players and
the other half were only missing one

its wonderful to see this
level of participation

paradoxically our regular goalies
who are rarely absent simultaneously
both had to cancel

and if you think that's weird
i'm going to spook you
over and over in this newsletter
with some really bizarre
psychic facts

after uploading last week's newsletter
i happened to check the archives
(i never normally do) and i was
curious about the newsletter i
had written exactly a year
(minus two days) before

it turns out that this was the game day
that black had lost its first game

one year later black loses its first game
also on the third monday of november

surprisingly even with only one loss
it had to share first place with two other teams:
yellow (Dijon) and grey (gus)

this year black is in first place,
yellow (Honey Bees) and grey (eminence) follow

history is repeating itself

its as though there is a ranking to the colour themselves

maybe before i send off this newsletter
i'll check to see if any deja vu's happened
this week

maybe we should have a running column
called "a year ago today"

maybe i can start making predictions
based on what happened a year ago

i don't even want to mention any more
about this because it can freak me out

pastures vs. noah-lleys

the team chose to change their name
from the donnellys to the ronnellys
when they acquired ron
and then ron proposed to call it the
noah-llys to honour
their even newer acquisition Noah

well today Ron was one of the 3 missing players
and Noah showed up scoring the most goals
of anyone on either team

tonight black was truly the Noah-llys

Andrea in her first game back
scored the only green goal, a beautiful set-up
from Jordan Resnick

what a close game

it was scoreless until i remarked
to paul lepage (who was in the pasture net)
that there hadn't been much scoring

he immediately thought i was jinxing and
replied "he couldn't believe i had said that"

sure enough he let in a goal, Noah's first,
within a minute and that was 12 minutes into the game,
almost a quarter of the game had gone by
without any scoring

serious defense by both teams,

it was brilliant watching the pastures shut down
a very hungry league leading, just been defeated,
noah-lly team that was often playing
adam shane and silver on the same line

my jinx wasn't on purpose because
i wasn't convinced that jinxs work

i was actually hoping that jesse and this time paul
would prove me wrong and show that jinxes
are lame superstition

but the evidence is building
first with jesse now with paul
that the scientist in me
it starting to think that it would be unsportsmanlike
for me to continue testing the jinx phenomenon

its not fair to the goalies who are the guinea pigs
in my psychic laboratory and
who would sincerely like their shut-outs

before i came to this considerate conclusion
paul sent me over to aron's side and asked me to jinx him

again we were well into the second half and
both aron and paul were protecting shut-outs

aron looked over to me and i didn't say anything
but i made the sign "S" and "O"
with my hands

he called back "Shut Out, Jinx"

sure enough Lev scored on him soon after.

It would be the only goal he let in all game.

Now I would have to admit that the jinx thing works.
I won't be doing that anymore

I was really hoping that it didn't,
and that any of jesse, paul or aron
could have proved it wrong.

I shouldn't mess with higher powers.

Big scare during the game when Patty
twisted his ankle. He was in big pain.
Hope you are healing fast.

Great to hear that you had come out to the firkin.

Super bright spot was the return of Andrea
who scored the pastures only goal.
Welcome back and congrats.

Your idea to rename your team
"love sistas of mercy" is great

eminence vs. the zeps

john was back in net

john the superstar goalie
from 6 years ago when i started
in net on tanner and patty's team

in the championship game that year
john was superb and i was

ironically paul scored a fluky
couple of goals on me that game
and his team (captained by joel lessem)
won the championship

to me, john sinhur is like domenik hasek

he can disappear for a while
but when he returns
(perhaps a bit rusty)
he still carries
a hall of famer sized reputation

many of the players
from that epic game
were back
but in different positions

its like with tarot cards
where the final meaning
is conjured from the location
of the cards relative to the others
in the spread

tanner and i were on opposite teams
paul and john were in opposite nets
everything seemed similar but opposite

the only thing that
remained the same
was that i sucked

6 years ago in that championship game
i was useless in goal
but my team
and especially tanner
would rally over and over again
to get it back

but in the end we failed

this time tanner had to rally against me
and was unusually successful

i think he managed to deek me out
about a dozen times this game, no exaggeration

i used to think i was an effective defenseman

now my self-image is confused...
i think i'll start taking therapy

with the "shadow tanner" plan crumbling
our team started planning what we do
when i inevitably get deeked out by tanner

even aron was having trouble keeping up with him

we talked about moving to zonal coverage

but it wasn't only mike,
all of the eminence was
living up to their impressive name

gabe and paul russell had a pair of goals each
before the zeps even got on the board

chris would add a couple before the end of the night

in defense of our performance
vinnie mentioned that
we did return from 5-0
to give the eminence a competitive game

we were down 5-0 when
i scored off a perfect kitch pass

kitch was still hot from his 5-goal performance
against the noah-llys last game

again he was the highest scorer on red
with a hat-trick and 3 apples

i hate to think what would have happened
if he hadn't shown up but he did

and stevie was back and scored a couple

so that late into the second half
it was tied 7-up
and then it was 8 all

in fact i don't think there was more than 5 minutes left
when we started to completely collapse

four super-fast unanswered goals later
we were stunned

mike was in on every eminence goal
in the second half

it ended 12-8 eminence and if it had gone on
another 10 minutes it would have ended 20-8

perhaps a record for this year was
10 points for tanner (4 goals and 6 apples)

congrats man and don't worry,
i'm alright now...

a little humiliation is good for me

it builds character

choppers vs. the honey bees

there was a buzz in the air

both teams had 100% attendance

we now all know that its a matter of time
that the choppers will get their first win

i felt it

i sensed that the choppers were feeling it
and i even got a weird inkling that
yellow knew something was amiss
like a fix was in

i forgot my jock which may seem like
an irrelevant disgusting remark
to make at this part of the story
except that it meant that
i had to insist that aron play net
for this last game even though
i had been scheduled to play

i went to take the traditional zep team steam
and only returned for the second half

when i got back orange was leading 5 to 3

as i took over the score-keeping
josh told me that it was a chippy game

i noticed disgruntled players
complaining about roughness at their benches

it wasn't pretty

the choppers were tasting victory and
the bees didn't want to be the first to hand it to them
but with less than 15 minutes left
orange was still two goals ahead

mark gregus got frustrated and
banged his stick down like
he played for the clash
over and over
whenever he missed a goal
which was quite a few times

he traps himself in that mindset
and it isn't pretty and it doesn't help him
(he remained scoreless all game)

the attitude police
gave him a hard time about it
at the firkin

at least most of his anger gets directed
back at himself

orange started imploding from stress as well
richard and dave hodes got 2 minors each

although all four of these penalties were
successfully killed by the choppers,
it put an end to their offense

sander with neaveau hoser-punk
red canadian duct-tape in his hair
got a psychic signal from aron

later at the bar he thought
it was like the movie "jabberwalky"

in fact he thinks aron
actually said the word "jabberwalky"
and for 30 seconds sander was a superstar
scoring two similar goals, both assisted by matt

boom, boom
and orange was no longer in the lead

rising to the call
against his old team
after hearing aron
say "jabberwalky"

in the dying minutes of this squeaker
all tied up,
puya scored his third goal
to put the bees in the lead

i was surprised again that davie
had only one goal tonight
and again mentioned that he was having
a slow start but sander and paul disagreed

they felt that in spite of the stats
he had had a really strong game

they had a problem with puya triple-shifting

although sander admitted that he used puya
to justify his own extra long shifts

next up for the choppers
will be the first game next week
against the red zeppelins

could be another landmark game

when i said i wanted to be there
when the choppers win
i didn't think that this is
what i had in mind
but it might have been


having a bench at every corner
creates too many stoppages

in the future we'll just use
a bench at the north-west and
the south-west corners
where the monkey bars are

we will put the mats in the storage room
where we used to change

and all spectators will be asked to watch
either from behind the glass
or from the track

* * * *

although chris thought that shalinsky
is vying to win the bob fosse award
again this year with his very stylish
trend setting duct-tape glass support,
john sinhur's pink glasses are catching
the attention of those who are sensitive
to revolutionary floor hockey fashion

* * * *

on the subject of hard shots
the general consensus was that
kitch and shane have the hardest
but tanner's may be more accurate

* * * *
noah-llys - adam
eminence - chris mike gabe
zeps - vinnie mitch aron tom
love sistas - patty joel jordan andrea

since he was injured,
patty's appearance at the firk
was truly remarkable

finally another team ties the zeps
for the night's power-rankings

i guess the goalies tied as well
because although they were missing
sanjay and jesse,
all three who played goal tonight
(ie. paul, john, and aron)
plus larry
showed up

man its getting confusing

* * * *

alright, what do the archives
have to say about next week's games

lets see...
last December 8th
a year ago next week
the Lantz brothers "were
in on every deranged goal...
picking up 10 of 12 possible points
in the 6-5 squeaker" over Gus

but that's about as much as
i want to discuss about next week's
zeppelin-chopper game

because its 5 in the morning
& i don't want to jinx my team

have a great week

Juranka's Corner Archive

The complete archive of anecdotes, game recaps, rants and ramblings.